A ghost that visits me at night
Isn’t one of screams or fright.
She comes as who I used to be
And smiles like she’s still carefree.
She laughs like laughter might explain
What’s left unsaid, what won’t remain.
I watch her laugh and wonder why
It feels like proof I can’t deny.
Not of what broke or what went wrong,
But what was mine, and now feels gone.
I don’t reach out. I let it pass.
I lie there silent, holding fast.
The question stays. I let it be.
Some things dissolve if named by me.
I’ve learned how fragile truth can feel,
And what is lost when wounds are real.
Morning comes without a sound,
Light arrives, then pins me down.
Right on its cue, without a fight,
Anxiety steps into the light.
4/12/2026
The Words That Got to Me
“She comes as who I used to be And smiles like she’s still carefree.” This lands so nicely, it is clean and clear of clutter. “Not of what broke or what went wrong, But what was mine, and now feels gone.” Such a sharp emotional turn takes things from abstract and into the real and personal experience. “Some things dissolve if named by me.” A great line, it gives us hints of repression and illustrates the fragility of memory.
Suggestions / Possible Tweaks
Rhyme leading structure is one of my big things. Here - “Isn’t one of screams or fright.” seems a forced, even unnatural phrasing manufactured to meet the rhyme. “She laughs like laughter might explain” seems like a circular place filler that doesn't actually do anything. You have so much strength and originality in this poem that the generic turns don't add anything and even weaken it overall. “what’s left unsaid, what won’t remain” “what broke or what went wrong” “what is lost when wounds are real” are emotionally fine but are generic, almost expected. The ending does not do justice to the poetry leading up to it. It is too on the nose compared to the subtle and nuanced earlier sections. Your poem's strength lies in the way it implies emotion through observation, which naming anxiety strips away.
This is a good poem with a strong core idea and lines of real genius. Where it is at its best, it is restrained and emotionally honest. You don't flood us with melodrama; you give us instead images that let us feel the emotion without you telling us what to see. Sometimes you drift into abstract images or allow the rhyme to force more generic sections, and this makes it lose the quiet power that I feel it really wants to express. Take a few risks and keep finding new ways to let the reader feel the emotions you are putting on paper.