Back to Stories
Poetry

Miami Beach - 1997

Miami Beach - 1997

BerniethebardApril 23, 202627 views

The omnipresent sun beats down, sending slivers of light falling through a tree.

Rollerbladers weave in and out of stationary cars like eels in the sea.

The power walkers are out in force but their look is not one of contentment.

Heading North on Collins Avenue

The muggy afternoon air drifts into the crowded sidewalk cafes and bars

where the young, bronzed and trendy sip cocktails openly on view to passing cars

and music from a myriad juke boxes echoes out across the pavement.

Healing North on Collins Avenue

Traffic moves at a snail's pace

The traffic shifts forward a little, we cruise idly on down past 32nd street.

There he is, clad in.dirty blue jeans, shirtless with faded loafers on his feet.

A khaki bag over his tanned torso, my eyes drawn by his sudden movement.

Heading North on Collins Avenue

Traffic moves at a snail's pace

Looking out through tinted windows.

Pausing he thrusts his right hand deep into a metal garbage can, rummaging

His prize is a takeaway carton, no doubt already mouldy and festering.

Sitting upon a mailbox he pulls open the lid and surveys the content.

Heading North on Collins Avenue

Traffic moves at a snail's pace

Looking out through tinted windows

Seeing without being seen.

He pokes around, eats a little, then replaces it in the same garbage can.

I wonder if he once had lived another life, not that of a beggar man.

Passers by seem unaware, hurrying past, or turn their face away in disgust.

Why can he choose another district, one more befitting him, it's so unjust.

This part of town sees itself as a haven of pampered dogs and opulence.

What I've just seen encapsulates late 20th century indifference.

Reviews (2)

Sign in to leave a review

The Words That Got to Me

weave in and out of stationary cars like eels in the sea. *Oooh! Very vivid! His prize is a takeaway carton, no doubt already mouldy and festering. *Oh my; this one's so good, it made my stomach lurch! This part of town sees itself as a haven of pampered dogs and opulence. What I've just seen encapsulates late 20th century indifference. *Perfect summary

Suggestions / Possible Tweaks

The power walkers are out in force(,) but their look is not one of contentment. *Punctuation Nazi reporting for duty, Sir!! and music from [a] myriad juke boxes *the brackets [ ] mean "delete , clad in.dirty blue jeans, shirtless *"clad" indicates 'dressed in clothes,' so then 'shirtless' seems out of place. Maybe: shirtless but clad in blue jeans and faded loafers? Why can he choose another district, one more befitting him, *Did you mean 'Why CAN'T he...?"

Very cool read, Bernie. Thanks to you acute "noticings," I now feel as if I've visited this place!!

The Words That Got to Me

**THE WORDS THAT GOT TO ME** “weave in and out of stationary cars like eels in the sea.” I loved this image. It instantly gave the piece movement, and it fit the Miami setting so well. “Seeing without being seen.” This was one of my favorite lines. It is simple, but it says so much about the distance between comfort and suffering. “His prize is a takeaway carton, no doubt already mouldy and festering.” This line was hard to read, but that is why it worked. You made the reader feel the discomfort instead of just telling us about it. “What I've just seen encapsulates late 20th century indifference.” This ending really landed. It pulled the whole piece together and gave meaning to everything we had just watched unfold.

Suggestions / Possible Tweaks

**SUGGESTIONS / POSSIBLE TWEAKS** Just a couple tiny things. I noticed “clad in.dirty blue jeans” looks like a small typo. Also, “Why can he choose another district” maybe should be “Why can’t he choose another district,” unless I’m reading it wrong.

**ADDITIONAL COMMENTS** This is exactly the kind of observational writing you do so well. You take an ordinary passing moment and make it feel uncomfortable, human, and impossible to ignore. The contrast between the sunny, trendy Miami scene and the man digging through the garbage was really powerful. It felt real, not forced, and that is not easy to do. You have a way of making people stop and actually *see* what they would normally pass by. That is what stuck with me most here.