Poetry

Danse de la chauve-souris

BerniethebardApril 3, 202636 views

As a rule it can last fifteen minutes, twenty at most.
A balletic interlude to which our garden plays host.

As daylight surrenders to the quickly advancing night,
deepening darkness only enhances their frantic flight

Television ignored, I watch a show put on for me.
Spells of seemingly random, crazy bursts of energy.

They hoover up the insects who still dare to be out late.
Smooth arcs they trace, no need of sight, and rich pickings await.

It's over too soon, they're gone, back to their trees to hang out.
They'll return tomorrow, same time and place, without a doubt.

Reviews (3)

Rachelle Allen

4/3/2026

The Words That Got to Me

A balletic interlude *I had never thought of this way to change "ballet" from a noun to an adjective! Unique, creative and evokes a perfect visual in the mind of your meaning. (Would it be pronounced "Ballet -ic?" or "bal-let-tic?" It reads like the latter, but the former choice makes more auditory sense. They hoover up the insects *I absolutely LOVE this!! So "exactly right." Perfect!

Suggestions / Possible Tweaks

As daylight surrenders to the quickly advancing night, deepening darkness only enhances their frantic flight *I love the picture this evokes, but it feels a bit overloaded with words.

You did a really nice job creating this scene and the feelings attendant thereto. It was all about synergy and nature's grace rather than creepiness. A very nice alternative for most writings about this population of earth's creatures. I grew up in the country, and one night a bat came swooping into our kitchen while we and our company were at the table having dessert and coffee. I was sixteen and deeply into my opera training already. So when I screamed in terror at the vision of this interloper, I did so with a sound that was so high and so loud and so interminable that it actually ruined the poor thing's sonar! He dead-dropped to the floor and began writhing in agony and terror around our feet! (Trust me; they are WAAAAAY more horrifying in that state of being! OY!) All these memories were evoked by reading this delightful poem of yours, Bernie. Thank you for the smiles. xoxo

Berniethebard

4/4/2026

Firstly thank you so much for such a detailed, kind review. Regarding balletic I agree with the latter as how I would read it. I believe each line has 14 syllables so they should scan though I agree those two lines are particularly wordy. Your experience definitely sounds scary and yes I can totally believe they are way more horrifying. You are welcome as regards the smiles and thank you again for your wonderful comment. xoxo

Heather Wickham

4/4/2026

The Words That Got to Me

I really liked the quiet wonder in this piece. It takes something small and fleeting, just a few minutes in the evening, and gives it a kind of elegance that makes the moment feel worth pausing for. The opening immediately sets that tone for me, especially *“A balletic interlude to which our garden plays host.”* That line gives the bats a grace people do not always think to give them. I also liked *“As daylight surrenders to the quickly advancing night,”* because it creates such a smooth entry into the scene. There is a softness to that transition, and then the poem contrasts it nicely with the bats’ “frantic flight.” That balance between beauty and motion worked really well. *“Television ignored, I watch a show put on for me”* also stood out because it made the poem feel personal and grounded. It is such a simple line, but it says a lot about choosing the living world over distraction. And *“They hoover up the insects who still dare to be out late”* adds a touch of humor that fits naturally into the poem’s charm.

Suggestions / Possible Tweaks

The only line that gave me a tiny pause was: “Spells of seemingly random, crazy bursts of energy.” The meaning is clear, but *“crazy”* felt just a little less lyrical than the rest of the poem’s language. Since so much of the piece carries a graceful, observant tone, I wondered if a word with a slightly softer feel might blend more naturally there. Something like: “Spells of seemingly random, sudden bursts of energy.” or even “Spells of seemingly random, wild bursts of energy.” might keep the meaning while sitting a little more smoothly with the poem’s overall tone. That said, the original still works and the image definitely comes through. I also thought the final line was charming: “It’s over too soon, they’re gone, back to their trees to hang out.” I liked the casualness of “hang out,” because it gives the ending personality. If you wanted the close to lean a little more into the poem’s graceful atmosphere, you could choose something more in line with the earlier diction, but honestly, I think the contrast is part of what makes it memorable.

Overall, I thought this was a lovely piece. It captures a brief everyday moment and makes it feel special without trying too hard, and that is not always easy to do. There is a nice mix here of elegance, observation, and a touch of humor, which made the poem feel both thoughtful and approachable. I especially liked that it left me with a greater appreciation for something many people might otherwise overlook. That, to me, is one of poetry’s quiet gifts.

Berniethebard

4/4/2026

As always Heather I am blown away by your ability to dig deep into the fabric of a poem. I love your observations on the lines you have chosen particularly your comment about choosing the living world over distraction. But, for me, the comment about giving the reader a greater appreciation for something that otherwise might not get noticed and that being one of poetry's quiet gifts, is one i shall remember for a long time. As regards the line you chose I totally agree with you. I originally had "spells of seemingly kamikaze bursts of energy" but took against using kamikaze so replaced it. I didn't like crazy, I prefer your suggestion of sudden if I might use it please.

Heather Wickham

4/5/2026

Thank you so much. That really means a lot to me. I truly believe one of poetry’s quiet gifts is that it can make us stop long enough to notice something we may have otherwise passed right by, so I’m glad that part stayed with you. And yes, absolutely, please use “sudden” if it fits what you were reaching for. I loved the image there and could feel exactly what you meant, even before you explained the earlier wording. I always appreciate how open you are to reflection and conversation. That’s part of what makes sharing work meaningful.

Rachel Gosling

4/4/2026

The Words That Got to Me

Bats are indeed fascinating creatures. I was watching some in the New Forest this week and your poem described their movements beautifully, especially with 'balletic' and 'smooth arcs'. 'Hoovering' was a fun word here, implying a greedy feast.

Suggestions / Possible Tweaks

I'm not sure 'As a rule' was the strongest start to the poem. I wanted something a little more magical or atmospheric - maybe even an indication of twilight or dusk.

I loved the image you used and the way you described the energy of these wonderful creatures.

Berniethebard

4/4/2026

Thank you very much Rachel for such a kind comment. They are indeed wonderful creatures. You may be right about the first thrre words. I hadn't thought of that. Thank you.