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Phoenix Heart
I don’t carry the past. I carry the fire it made.
Reviews (4)
Heather Wickham
3/26/2026
Thank you, I really appreciate you taking the time to point out the lines that hit for you. Those are some of the ones that came from the deepest place, so it means a lot that they landed the way they did. I understand what you’re saying about possibly tightening it. I went back and forth on that while writing it, but I ultimately chose to keep the fuller structure because it reflects the process—how it wasn’t just one clean moment, but a series of realizations and shifts. That said, I do hear you on clarity, and it’s something I’ll keep in mind as I continue refining my work. I appreciate the honesty, and I’m really glad the core of it connected.
Tim Margetts
3/25/2026
The Words That Got to Me
This is a poem that carries a strong narrative flow and that makes it very satisfying to read. Your sub heading 'I don’t carry the past. I carry the fire it made' is one of the real power points and sets the stage. Within the body the strongest part has to be... 'What cracked in me recalled the sky: bone remembered how to fly.' That is simply 'Chef's kiss' as something full of vivid and memorable imagery. 'left me holding the unlit match' shows innovative use of image and language. I read that, and I immediately know where you are and what you are saying.
Suggestions / Possible Tweaks
Some of your lines are very familiar, almost cliché. “I did not beg. I did not bend.” “relentless, free” “through the dark” “always reborn” They are not bad, but they do not carry the freshness you boldly use elsewhere. Also, at times, your rigid adherence to rhyme almost predicts the next line ending (bend/defend, run/begun, spark/dark) Play, sometimes, with looser rhyme to create surprise and less prediction.
An intense and highly enjoyable read. This is a powerful poem showing consistency in metaphor and theme. This is a poem all about reclaiming personal victory and power after tragedy, betrayal or hardship. It does that so well and could only be improved if it leaned slightly more into the original and amazing use of imagery demonstrated so well, and less into the more familiar empowerment phrases. It is a confidently written and cohesive poem showing real skill and poetic talent.
Heather Wickham
3/26/2026
Thank you, I really appreciate how thoughtfully you read this. The lines you pointed out—especially “bone remembered how to fly”—are ones that came from a very instinctive place, so hearing that they landed the way I hoped means a lot. I understand what you’re saying about some of the phrasing feeling more familiar. That’s fair. Some of those lines were intentionally more direct and grounded to balance out the heavier imagery, but I can see how they might read as less fresh compared to other parts of the piece. The note about rhyme is also a good one. I did lean into a more structured scheme on this, and I can see how that creates a level of predictability. It was a choice for control and rhythm, but I do like the idea of loosening that in places to create more surprise. I really appreciate the time you took with this and the balance in your feedback. I’m glad the overall message and imagery came through as intended.
R
Rachelle Allen
3/26/2026
The Words That Got to Me
He swore he’d stay, then slipped the latch, The fire lives where I was torn. [this one I may just be QUOTING it's so good!!!] **I could pretty much re-copy the entire poem, but these two lines are my particular faves
Suggestions / Possible Tweaks
Any changes I'm suggesting, I've written in ALL CAPS so they're noticeable. Please remember: (a) I'm certainly no poet and (b) These ideas have the potential to be worth exactly what you paid me for them! xoxo He JUDGED my wounds as signs I’d break, TO OWN a flame he couldn’t take. He struck the spark, then turned to run— UNAWARE what he'D begun. What cracked in me REACHED FOR the sky: MY BONES remembered how to fly. I'M the phoenix, AGAIN reborn.
As you know, I love triumphant revenge stories. This one is that in the biggest way!! Lovely job! xoxo
Heather Wickham
3/26/2026
It’s kind of funny that you picked that stanza because that’s the one I went back and forth on the most and finally just said, you know what, I’m leaving it. He judged my wounds as signs I’d break to own a flame he couldn’t take. If I’m being fully honest, I think the reason it feels a little off is because I didn’t fully commit to that part of the story. Were there actions that reflected it? Sure. But in real life, it was a lot more complex—like most things are. I think I was also trying to make that section more universal, and in doing that, it lost a bit of the specificity that makes the rest of the poem stronger. So I actually agree with you on that. That’s definitely an area that could be pushed further.
Berniethebard
3/28/2026
The Words That Got to Me
Having read your poem a number of times there is one thing that strikes me. Your title alludes to it. But throughout your verses you have references to the fire inagery on which the meaning of your words relies. And I like that. It is not something dropped in then abandoned, it is central to the poem. I like the return to the bone reference in your fourth verse. I feel uncomfortable picking things out but the one thing that strikes me every time I read it is the positioning of the first verse as the first. My feeling is that the second verse may be better starting the poem. No messing about, get straight into the reason for the title and put your first verse further down. And that could just be the end of my reviewing role.
Heather Wickham
3/28/2026
Thank you for taking the time to read it so carefully and for such thoughtful feedback. I really appreciate you catching the fire imagery and the return to the bone reference—that was very intentional. Your point about the opening verse is interesting. I can see what you mean about starting with the second verse and moving straight into the emotional core of the piece. I might play around with that and see how it changes the flow. Thanks again for reading it more than once and sharing your thoughts. I always appreciate feedback that really engages with the work. I do think you may be on to something.
3/25/2026
The Words That Got to Me
I did not beg. I did not bend. I learned how fire can still defend. He mistook my wounds as signs I’d break, tried to claim a flame he couldn’t take. I shed the shell he thought was me and rose in flame, relentless, free. The fire lives where I was torn. I am the phoenix, always reborn.
Suggestions / Possible Tweaks
Maybe think about shortening this poem to one or two less stanzas and find the pearls amongst the incandescent sand. Of course, I am not in your head and am not sure what all you are trying to convey, but a lot of the lines are not as clear to me as others for what exactly you are trying to say. But the poem overall is powerful and the concept is genius. I just feel like you still have some polishing to do.
The lines I put in "The Words That Got to Me" really hit me in the gut of my heart. These lines are all golden!