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Loud Louie

A loud little boy learns how to adapt to life in an almost-all-female household

Rachelle AllenMarch 25, 202639 views
My name is Louie, but everyone I know calls me Loud Louie. That's because my life is filled with girls. My two sisters, Ellie and Claire, and my mom are all girls, of course. Plus, the neighbors on my street are girls --except Steve, but he's at college. Even my dog, Ruth, is a girl. Dad says someday I'll love the idea of being surrounded by girls, but I'm pretty sure he's kidding. I mean, if it's so great, why isn't he here with me? Instead, he drives his gigantic yellow truck to faraway places so that big companies can have important supplies.

Dad can be as loud as he wants all day long, and nobody scolds him. I'd much rather do that than be with girls all day.

I think the problem is that girls don't realize just how fun it is to be loud.

For example, do you know that if you're upstairs and run as hard as you can from one end of your house to the other, people in the kitchen and living room think there's thunder outside?

And do you know that if you stop four stairs from the bottom and jump with all your might, lots of dishes and picture frames shake? My mom said, "Try that trick again, my loud little daredevil, and you'll be having some Time Out in your room. That is very dangerous, and you can get hurt!" I told her not to worry --that I was wearing my super hero cape- but she said, "Don't test my patience here, Young Man."

I'm not exactly sure what those words mean when she says them - and she says them a lot - but she uses them in her No Nonsense Mom Voice, so I always just say, "Okay."

When Dad's not driving his gigantic yellow truck - which is really, REALLY loud, by the way - he and I play outside a lot. He makes monster sounds and chases me, or we pretend we're dinosaurs or have Grunt-And-Growl wrestling matches or sometimes we just make Tarzan yells. He's tried to get me to come with him to tea parties my sisters have - the ones where he dresses up in weird hats like grandpa's and eats pretend food with a napkin on his lap and his pinky sticking up - but I say, "Sorry, Dad. You're on your own for this one."

Things got bad at our house today because Dad had to go back to work after a long vacation. Mom had a baby - a girl, of course - so Dad's been home playing with me, taking Claire and Emily to ballet and piano lessons, and feeding Caroline - that's our new sister - in the middle of the night so Mom can get some rest. So, I think Caroline's been missing Dad a lot.

She's been crying and yelling all day, and when Claire and Ellie told her, "Be quiet, Caroline! You sound like Loud Louie," she turned bright red and got way louder than I've ever been.

Then Mom said, "I give up! I want to run away and join the circus where there's way less commotion."

I got so upset by that, that I ran to the upstairs hallway and made thunder, even though I knew I'd probably get yelled at. But, instead, when I stopped, all I heard was laughing --from Caroline! After a minute, she started crying again, so I quickly made more thunder, and that made her laugh again!

"Louie, can you do that to keep Caroline happy while I make dinner?" Mom called up to me.

"Sure!" I exclaimed.

"We'll help, too," shouted Claire and Ellie. And soon, we were all upstairs making the loudest thunder anyone had ever heard, and Caroline was laughing like crazy.

"Let's show her a Grunt-And-Growl wrestling match," I suggested.

Down the stairs the three of us thundered (though we did not stop at the fourth step from the bottom and jump) and made a circle around our baby. Then we took turns grunting and jumping and chasing each other in front of her while Caroline sat in her baby chair, laughing and smiling the entire time. Whenever we stopped, she'd turn red and start to scream, so we just kept going and going.

Finally, I shouted, "I LOVE THIS BABY!"

And Claire shouted, "I LOVE THIS BABY...AND I LOVE MAKING THUNDER AND GRUNTING!"

And Ellie yelled, "I LOVE THIS BABY...AND I LOVE BEING LOUD!"

And then I heard our mom laughing for the first time all day.

Reviews (5)

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The Words That Got to Me

I loved the way Louie’s mood changed here. At first he thought he was on his own, wishing he was away with Dad - ‘I’d much rather… than be with girls all day’. By the end he is talking about himself and the sisters as a group- ‘the three of us’. I loved the part where he shouted about how he loved the baby, showing a touching joy and acceptance.

I enjoyed the way this was relatable, with family scenes that many could relate to.

Thank you, Rachel, for this lovely review. I do appreciate it. I want to say, too, that I want you to feel comfortable telling me what you feel also needs tweaking. I always listen seriously to that kind of feedback and never feel threatened or put down. We'll all grow as writers if we do that fo each other. xoxo

Michaela

3/25/2026

The Words That Got to Me

When Dad's not driving his gigantic yellow truck - which is really, REALLY loud, by the way - he and I play outside a lot. He makes monster sounds and chases me, or we pretend we're dinosaurs or have Grunt-And-Growl wrestling matches or sometimes we just make Tarzan yells. He's tried to get me to come with him to tea parties my sisters have - the ones where he dresses up in weird hats like grandpa's and eats pretend food with a napkin on his lap and his pinky sticking up - but I say, "Sorry, Dad. You're on your own for this one."

Suggestions / Possible Tweaks

The following paragraph lost me just a bit...Things got bad at our house today because Dad had to go back to work after a long vacation. Mom had a baby - a girl, of course - so Dad's been home playing with me, taking Claire and Emily to ballet and piano lessons, and feeding Caroline - that's our new sister - in the middle of the night so Mom can get some rest. So, I think Caroline's been missing Dad a lot. I think because the transition is just so quick. Maybe slow this part down and rewrite this paragraph just a little to make it more clear that dad has been home for a long time (maybe tell us how long) and that he has been gone from home now for how long. Without this information, I had to re-read this paragraph a couple of times because the baby missing him at the end confused me. (I hope I am making sense).

I loved the fact that your words brought the entire story into my head as if I was a fly on the wall watching it all transpire. And, the voice of your protagonist is so mesmerizing. True to a little boy. The humor of this family was scrumptious. And then the ending is really surprising because the girls play really loudly with Louie. This little ditty lifted my spirits today. I just had a week with my granddaughter who is three and I can just imagine her voice being a lot like Louie's.

Tim Margetts

3/26/2026

The Words That Got to Me

“I mean, if it's so great, why isn't he here with me?” The whole opening paragraph carries a lot of weight in setting the emotional tone of the story. This line in particular adds depth quickly without becoming heavy; it works as the focus of a child's anger/frustration. The early use and then repetition of 'thunder' is very strong. It is childlike in its simplicity and observation, and allows it to become important later. This is excellent structure. I also enjoyed the way you use the 'no nonsense Mom voice'—that is absolutely how a chils would percieve it and then the final shouted refrain. “I LOVE THIS BABY!” “I LOVE THIS BABY...AND I LOVE MAKING THUNDER…” “I LOVE THIS BABY...AND I LOVE BEING LOUD!” Is a great finale

Suggestions / Possible Tweaks

I found the middle section a bit long and the timeline in places a bit confusing. The part explaining all that Dad had done is great world-building, but it doesn't work in a children's story; it is too much depth and slows the story down. It may be better to instead move quickly to the crux of the story of Dad leaving and the baby crying. I found the timeline a bit confusing—at the start, Ellie and Claire. Later: “Claire and Emily to ballet and piano lessons” But earlier, it was Ellie and Claire, not Emily. That might just be a name mistake, but it breaks continuity and should definitely be fixed. Finally, some of the sentences are a bit long for a children's book and may benefit from being broken down to make it easier for them to read. For example, “Dad says someday I'll love the idea of being surrounded by girls, but I'm pretty sure he's kidding.” could easily be split into two sentences, making it more child-friendly.

Let me start by saying, I am not a children's story writer, and I applaud those who can. The closest I can get is some of my nonsense poems. This is a great idea for a story, maybe a chapter, in a full-length children's storybook. You have a clear main character, with a well-defined personality... he is LOUD! Along with a well-developed family setting with its own problems and solutions. Rounded off with a nice warm ending, turning problem into a positive result. With a bit of tightening in the middle, this could make an excellent short picture book or, as I said, a chapter in a longer work.

Once again, FANTASTIC observations and suggestions. Now I'm really excited to get this revised! Thank you for the inspiration! xoxo

The Words That Got to Me

“I mean, if it’s so great, why isn’t he here with me?” really stood out to me. That line hits in a quiet way and gives you a glimpse of something deeper underneath all the humor. I also loved the whole “making thunder” part—especially how it comes back later to make the baby laugh. That was such a fun and clever thread to carry through the story, and it made the ending feel really satisfying. And “I LOVE THIS BABY!”—that moment just felt pure and genuine. It tied everything together in a really sweet way.

This was such a fun read. The voice feels really natural and believable, and it captures that childlike perspective so well without feeling forced. I liked how it balanced humor with those small, more meaningful moments—it gave it heart without losing the lightness. The ending especially left me smiling.

Thank you for all this in-depth feedback. It's always so helpful to know what a good reader finds authentic. xoxo

Berniethebard

3/30/2026

The Words That Got to Me

I really like the serendipitous nature of the discovery that thunder could be a good thing. And the childlike voice comes through in what Louie says though at times he may be just a little too grammatically correct and I wonder whether "No Nonsense Mom Voice" is something he would think. I do like your ending and how suddenly being loud isn't such a bad thing.

Thanks very much for this feedback, Bernie. I appreciate all you offered here. xoxo