People who say they’re not funny (usually true), can be rather humorous in their old age due to their tired, disillusioned, I- don’t-give-a-flip attitude about life.
This is a commentary on the funny, and not-so funny things old folks do and say. (Please don’t speculate on how I know these things.)
Some examples:
Talking to her empty hand…“You just had it, for Pete’s sake, Where’d you put it?”
“Of course, I put sugar in the cookies! …. I didn’t? Well then, I guess they’re diet cookies.”
Checking pill box before going to bed… did I take ’em or not ever put ’em in there?
Okay, I came in here for….
“Hello? Oh, hi, sweetie. Did I remember what? Turn off the hose after adding water to the pool? I know I set the timer. Just a minute I’ll go outside and look … OMG!”
“Hi Ida, I must be the first one here. Thought I’d be la…what? next Wednesday?”
What is it about getting older that makes your nose drip??? I’m probably increasing the value of Kleenex stock all by myself!
“I DID make a list. I just don’t remember where I put it.”
“No need to yell, I can hear just fine.” (when I want to)
Tip for the day: for anyone who has Confederate Jasmine growing on a fence, and you want to cut back the long “tendrils” that stick out: don’t do it when you’ve just showered, or are in clean clothes or just washed your hair! They bleed white, sticky stuff—gets all over you. Of course, if you have one, you already know this. (Got to go take another shower!)
“Hi, yep, doin’ fine, thanks. What’re you up to these days? Really? No kiddin’. Who the heck is this?”
“Hello. (listen, listen, listen) “Hello? (listen, listen) “Sir I’m tryin to…” (more listening) … “Well you’ve got a lot of nerve, young man. I wouldn’t vote for anybody who won’t let a body get a word in edgewise! And I’m sure not goin to give ya any money! You oughta get your mama to help you with your pitch. She is? Well, I’m sorry to hear that. Want me to help? What’s so funny?” CLICK.
“Hello? Oh, hi, Sweetie. Do I remember who? Don’t think so… I should?... At your house?... YESTERDAY! Sat next to me? Well, I must not a’been impressed. Anyway, what about her? Not a day over 70? She said that about me? Well, now, I b’lieve her face is comin’ back a little bit. Yeah. sure, I remember. Nice lady. Thanks for tellin’ me. Bye.” Dern fool must be blind as a bat... can’t expect me to remember everybody I sit next to.
Well, darn it, there was another one I wanted to tell you, but…