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The Silence

For a bit of interest—and please—comments and critique. This is a first draft of a story I am contemplating. The first chapter of a possible future book. Let me know what you think, and please pull it apart. I know it is rough.

Tim MargettsApril 24, 202626 views
The Silence

Commander Talia Verran hated assignments like this.

The Mercy of Ymir had been dispatched on a standard intercept — or so the paperwork said — but nothing about today felt routine. Out the observation panel, framed in the cold glow of sensor overlays, drifted the Zephyr Blue, a vessel lost eight years ago, now inexplicably parked at the Earth–Moon L4 Lagrange point.

She studied the shape on the main screen: a slender survey-class ship, its hull intact, no signs of breach, no distress flares, no burn marks from micrometeorites. And yet it hung there, silent, wrapped in the delicate balance of gravitational forces like a needle perfectly balanced on its point.

“Talia.”

She turned. Lieutenant Ren Del offered a comms update with a grim tilt of his mouth. “Still no response. Same pulse, every eleven seconds, exactly.”

Talia gave a short nod, crossing her arms. She wasn’t a woman prone to superstition — she’d long ago burned that out of herself in the black — but even she felt the hair rise on the back of her neck. Ships didn’t just vanish, only to reappear untouched, broadcasting dumb signals.

Science officer Dr. Mara Youn stepped into the bridge, her slate hugged tightly to her chest. She looked pale. “Commander, you should see this.”

Talia gestured her over.

Mara turned the slate toward them, its display alive with spectral data and waveforms. “We analysed the transmission’s base structure. The pulse isn’t just a mechanical heartbeat or ship’s beacon. There’s a secondary pattern laced into the signal — layered. It’s faint, but structured. Too precise to be random interference.”

Talia frowned. “What kind of structure?”

Mara hesitated. “Something like… a handshake protocol. But not from anything we know. It’s not in the Alliance comms archives or the deep-space records.”

Ren exhaled softly, tension creeping into his voice. “Are you saying it’s alien?”

“I’m saying,” Mara murmured, “it’s not ours.”

The three of them fell quiet.

Talia let her gaze drift back to the viewscreen. The Zephyr Blue hovered like a fossil adrift in deep time, its comm arrays pointing away from Earth, its navigation lights dead, its power trace faint but unmistakably alive.

She felt the weight of it — a ship lost before she’d even taken command of the Mercy, a ghost from an old mission long written off, now whispering to something out there.

“I want a full systems sweep,” she said quietly. “Long-range scans. EM, thermal, quantum field perturbations. Let’s not assume we’re alone just because we can’t see anything yet.”

“Yes, Commander,” Ren and Mara answered together.

Talia closed her eyes for a moment. The ship’s soft background hum filled the silence.

She knew what unnerved her most. It wasn’t the missing crew. It wasn’t even the mystery of how the Zephyr Blue had ended up here.

It was the feeling she couldn’t shake — the growing certainty that the ship wasn’t waiting for them.

It was waiting for something else.

The Mercy of Ymir’s bridge was quiet except for the soft ripple of data feeds. Commander Talia Verran stood motionless, eyes locked on the drifting hull of the Zephyr Blue.

“Report,” she said softly.

Dr. Mara Youn’s voice came faintly from the science station. “There’s… something wrapped around the ship. It’s not a shield. It’s more like the space around it is holding a shape — not compressed, not pushed — almost like it’s under observation.”

Talia glanced over. “Artificial?”

Mara hesitated. “Yes. But we don’t know by what.”

At the comms station, Ren Del stiffened. “Commander, long-range scan just picked up mass displacement behind the Moon’s far side. Gravitational signature’s bending the light behind it. No ID.”

Talia’s heart quickened. The Zephyr Blue’s quiet pulse no longer felt like a call for help. It felt like bait.

She drew a slow breath. “We send the ghost.”

The probe was small, nimble — a deep-field unit built for delicate work: threading sensor feeds through unstable space, slipping short distances without engaging the larger ship. It wasn’t meant to confront or break into anything, just to listen.

The hangar crew launched it without ceremony, its black frame gliding into the cold dark.

“Telemetry good,” Ren murmured. “Approaching target.”

Talia watched the screen as the probe edged closer — fifty metres, thirty — its scanners flickering with soft ripples of light. Readings flowed in: faint thermal variance, low electromagnetic activity, a hull intact but touched by years adrift.

Mara leaned forward, squinting at the new data. “There’s something else… Feedback.”

Talia frowned. “Mechanical?”

“No. The probe is picking up signal echoes, but they’re…” Mara trailed off, staring. “They’re feeding back before the probe transmits.”

Ren’s head snapped up. “Wait, what? That’s—”

“Commander,” Mara whispered, “the readings — they’re not just watching us. They’re touching sequence. Time.”

For a moment, the bridge fell unnervingly still.

Talia swallowed hard, feeling the cold press of something she couldn’t name crawling up her spine.

The probe slipped closer, its lights tracing the Zephyr Blue’s hull, reaching toward a shadow at the ship’s rear where the auxiliary docking bay hung open like a mouth.

The readings spiked.

Ren’s voice cracked. “We have to pull it back.”

Mara’s hands moved too late across the controls.

The screens flared white — just for an instant — then went dark.

Talia gripped the console. The probe was gone. No explosion, no decay trace, no energy bloom. Just — gone.

Her mouth went dry. “What happened?”

Mara stared at the blank readout, pale. “Commander… I think something inside that envelope reached out.”

Ren turned slowly, his face drawn tight. “Commander, the signal’s changed.”

Talia felt her chest tighten.

The Zephyr Blue’s pulse shifted — still steady, still patient — but now on their own screens, it carried a new pattern.

The bridge of the Mercy of Ymir was steeped in breathless silence.

Commander Talia Verran stared at the telemetry feed, jaw clenched. The Zephyr Blue floated motionless outside — intact, unlit, impossible.

Mara Youn’s voice came faintly. “Commander… the probe’s last readings…” She paused, voice thin. “They… don’t make sense.”

Talia moved closer, scanning the data. The numbers flickered, reversed, reassembled.

Ren Del’s fingers danced nervously over the comms panel. “Commander, I can’t lock the timestamp. It’s like…” He swallowed. “It’s like we were here, before we arrived.”

Talia looked sharply at him. “What are you saying?”

Before Ren could answer, the lights dimmed.

Not flickered — dimmed.

Slowly, deliberately, like the ship itself was exhaling.

On the screen, the Zephyr Blue remained still, a silent silhouette.

Mara let out a slow, shaken breath. “Commander. The quantum trace…”

Talia turned to her. “Spit it out.”

Mara’s face was pale. “There’s no return signal. No reflection. We’re reading it, but it’s not reading back.”

Ren’s voice cracked. “Commander — what if there’s nothing there to read?”

Talia’s mouth went dry.

Before she could speak, the console displays pulsed softly.

A message.

Not a system error. Not a beacon reply.

Three words, scrolling once across every terminal, every screen, every monitor aboard:

YOU LOOKED FIRST

The bridge plunged into darkness. And on the screen, the Zephyr Blue disappeared.

 

Reviews (1)

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K
Katharine

4/26/2026

The Words That Got to Me

Tim, the new words of people, positions, and things are of course, foreign, and sound like "space stuff" to me, and I'm sure men will get into it all quicker, but I think it is the feeling of uncertainty and fear that got to me most.

Suggestions / Possible Tweaks

Her ship, the Mercy of Ymir had been dispatched. Talia studied the shape on the main screen--with the strange names at the beginning, giving her name, here, validates whose ship. "Dumb" signals? maybe a better word, there? If there are going to be more characters, and I assume there will be, I'd provide a list so the reader could check on who's who.

Sounds mysterious and other worldly, of course, with some new words that I had no clue as to their meaning, and I worry about too much "space speak" without maybe somebody, in dialogue with another, simplifying their meaning? Maybe not. But this is definitely going to get more and more exciting (if the reader, females included) understand what you're referring to with the new words. With your writing and smart mind, I'm sure the book will be a big success.

Tim Margetts

4/26/2026

As I said, Katherine, it is a very rough 1st draft write and will go through at least one rewrite, followed by a major trim and then be looked at again prior to a hard line edit. I get that the sci-fi terms can be confusing, and quite a few of them are twists and developments beyond what we can actually do now. It will be fun to see what I can do with it.

K
Katharine

4/27/2026

I know it's a rough draft. You said you wanted comments and critiques. I was just mentioning a couple of suggestions as I read it. I'm sure you will have fun with it.

Tim Margetts

4/27/2026

And I appreciated every comment :) I thank you