I knew one day our traveled paths would cross,
And my sincere remorse, once masked by jeers,
Would be revealed when I acknowledged loss
And spoke with hope we might amend past tears.
I rose to greet you with a guarded smile,
Resolved to let you know I still do care
And clasp your hands despite pride's painful miles
That paved false acts I can no longer bear.
But you just stood apart and glared at me,
With eyes and stance that made it very plain
That you desired to turn and swiftly flee,
For my appearance caused you great disdain.
I sought forgiveness as an honest goal;
To be denied implodes my very soul…
4/21/2026
The Words That Got to Me
"I knew one day our traveled paths would cross, And my sincere remorse, once masked by jeers," This is a very strong opening that conveys an almost fatal tone that fits the Shakespearean sonnet form really nicely. The contrast between remorse and jeers feels psychologically real to me. “And clasp your hands despite pride's painful miles” What a wonderful and striking phrase. So visual. “For my appearance caused you great disdain.” I feel the rejection. “To be denied implodes my very soul…” and ends on this total emotional collapse.
Suggestions / Possible Tweaks
“Resolved to let you know I still do care” feels slightly padded and although 'still do care' fits the metre and works, it might read better with a more natural phrasing.
A very well-written and emotionally strong sonnet. It carries a sincere narrative that takes us through anticipation to rejection and then collapse. You have used some genuinely strong phrasing that clearly conveys the emotional ride in an original way. There is an occasional slip into the familiar that softens it slightly, but overall, this is an excellent poem.