The Sideways Race

As I was walking on the beach,

I heard a big blue crab beseech:

“Say look here, human, wanna race?”

I leaned down to him, face to face.

He laughed a garglie, crabby laugh,

And said, “I think, on your behalf,

A head start I will give to you,

For I will beat you, through and through.”

I laughed then, too, in pure delight

And hunkered down to take my flight.

“Hey, wait!” he said.” You can’t start yet.

There are some rules we need to set.

“To make this fair and square, you see,

You have to run the same as me.”

“What way is that?” I asked, amazed.

He grinned at me and said, “sideways.”

“Okay,” I said. “You’re on, my friend.

Then let this sideways race begin!

The finish line will be the pier -

About 100 yards from here.”

We took off, sideways, down the sand,

Our legs a-going to beat the band.

A seagull stopped and laughed to see

A big blue crab outrunning me.

As up and down I bobbed along,

This sideways business felt all wrong.

My neck began to get a crick,

My tummy—queasy, kinda sick.

And then, as I fell far behind,

A picture formed inside my mind:

I saw, with every wheeze I uttered,

Steamed crabmeat, “lemon-ed” and buttered!