Transcend

The Words That Got to Me

There’s something really grounding about this piece. The line “Behold the fields…lakes…trees…sky…and breathe” really slowed everything down in a calming, almost meditative way. I also felt the contrast between the weight of life in the beginning and the freedom it calls us back to. It’s simple, but it carries a quiet strength that sticks with you.

Suggestions / Possible Tweaks

In the line “tap dance lies upon your weak heart,” you might try something like “lies tap dance across your heart” just to smooth the flow a bit—but honestly, the original still works. There’s something expressive and personal about it that fits the tone of the piece.

The Words That Got to Me

Let life not imprison your true self Traipse - this is not used nearly enough, this word! I love it. The golden wild. What a term! I absolutely love it.

Suggestions / Possible Tweaks

In line six, I think without the word "tap," this would flow better. (This opinion has the potential to be worth exactly what you paid me for it...)

The Words That Got to Me

Life’s pinions harass, grind man’s marrow: Behold the fields…lakes…trees…sky…and breathe. This is a very strong opening, the word choice is interesting as well as unusual, giving it strength as well as a contrast between imprisonment and freeing through lifting wings.

Suggestions / Possible Tweaks

It may benefit from simpler language in places, but also that would need care to avoid breaking the strength of imagery.

The Words That Got to Me

I loved this line: 'Behold the fields…lakes…trees…sky…and breathe'. It urged me to live life, to get outdoors, to liver a greater life than I am now - wonderfully powerful. 'Let not life imprison your true self' - this also spoke to me. Time whirrs past so quickly and is often dominated by outer hassles and stresses. This line made me nostalgic for time gone past, and determined to make the most of the years (I hope!) ahead of me.

Suggestions / Possible Tweaks

I wondered if Transend should be Transcend.