“Dad, Can I have a puppy?”
“No, Sal, you cannot.”
“Why not, Dad? Why noooot?”
“Because.”
“Because what?”
“Because we already have Jake.”
“But he’s too big. I want a puppy to play with me.”
“Jake will play with you.”
“No, he won’t. He just sleeps.”
“Well, throw a ball for him, or something.”
“I did. He just watches.”
“Kick it, then. Maybe he’ll run after it. Gotta go. Have a good day at school.”
“Okay. Bye.”
Later –
“I’m home!”
“Hi, Dad.”
“Hi, Sweetie. How’s my girl?”
“I’m fine, but Jake’s not.”
“Why? What’s the matter with Jake?”
“He doesn’t feel good.”
“How do you know? He been eating grass?”
“Nope. You’re gonna to be mad.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Ask Billy.”
“Bi-llee! Come here a minute, son.”
“Hi, Daddy.”
“Hi. Um, Billy, did you feed something to Jake that made him sick?
“No. I threw those white balls, and he caught ‘em!”
“White balls? What white balls?”
“Those ones in that bag.”
“My golf bag?”
“Yeah. Lotsa balls in there. And you know what?”
“Don’t think I wanta know what.”
“Why not? Why not, Dad?”
“Okay. Okay. What?”
“I put grape jelly on ’em and threw ’em and Jake caught ’em.”
“You mean he swallowed them?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you know how many?”
“All those ones in the box.”
“My new Titleists? He ate all of those?”
“Yeah, but he threw ’em up. You can wash ’em off. I don’t think he wants ‘em anymore.”
“You don’t think so, huh? Well, I don’t think I do, either.”
“Why not?”
“Just don’t.”
“But, why not?”
“Because… I don’t like grape jelly.”
“That’s okay, Dad. It’s all gone, anyway.”
“Snicker, snicker.”
“Oho, Sally. So you think that’s funny? Did you just watch your brother throw my new golf balls to Jake?”
“Dad, you should have seen him. He was amazing… he’d leap up and grab ‘em and just skarf ‘em down. It was so funny.”
“Skarf ‘em down, huh?”
“Yeah, but he threw ‘em up, so he’s okay.”
“Sally, you should have stopped your brother. He didn’t know any better, but you did.”
“Dad, I didn’t think he’d actually swallow them, but when he did, I thought, you know, that’s not very smart. I bet Great Dane’s don’t have a big brain.”
“Well, what about your ‘big brain,’ Miss Sally, huh?”
“I know, Dad, but it was so awesome I decided to write a story for English class about it. I’m going to call it “My Grape Dane.”
“Grape Dane, huh? That’s pretty good. What do you think, Billy? That a good name for Sally’s story?”
“Yeah, but I like ‘Throw-up’ better.”
5/8/2026
The Words That Got to Me
“Yeah, but he threw ’em up. You can wash ’em off. I don’t think he wants ‘em anymore.” Yuk - very disgusting but very funny.
I liked the way this was written out as a script. The 'Grape Dane' line was amusing as was the conversation between Dad and the kids. This was an entertaining and light read, that also acts as a cautionary tale!