When only a perfect love will do
If I'd wanted
To end up with you,
I'd have gotten my nose fixed,
As you suggested,
And been neater about the closets
(I'd have demonstrated better "Toothpaste Etiquette," too.)
But I found someone
Who considered me
Perfect
Exactly the way I was.
(And still thinks so all these decades later.)
Meanwhile, I hear your
Perfect Match
Is still out there somewhere,
Undiscovered.
(You did always say it's fortunate you're a patient man.)
4/22/2026
I'm nothing if not a caustic, cutting bitch when I'm provoked enough. My daughter, when she was ten, summed it up rather perfectly: "It's like there's two you's: There's Shelley, the Perky Piano Teacher [this said in the saccharine-sweet voice of Snow White] and then there's Ra-CHELLLLLLLE" [this said like the snarling growl of a junkyard dog. (She then went on to add, "But the only one who ever seems to come back to THIS house is....Ra- CHELLLLLLLE." (Children are so fun, aren't they?...)
4/22/2026
Gotta love kids... apparently it's not considered polite to beat them up and bury them in a hole.
4/22/2026
Uh-oh; I didn't know that. Do you think I could be in trouble?!
5/1/2026
The Words That Got to Me
I hear your Perfect Match Is still out there somewhere, Undiscovered. Ha-ha - yes, Mr. Impossible Demands, take that!
I absolutely loved the sassy, celebratory tone of this one, refusing to bend to the demands of a control freak! You do whatever you like with your toothpaste, girl!
5/1/2026
HAHAHA! That's right; I'll squeeze it in the middle if I damn well please, Buddy!!
4/22/2026
The Words That Got to Me
(I'd have demonstrated better ‘Toothpaste Etiquette,’ too.)” I loved 'Toothpaste etiquette'. So petty and lived in, it sums up the man beautifully. I know exactly the type of man he is. "Perfect" standing on its own it gives this a moment of sincerity that stands out. “(You did always say it's fortunate you're a patient man.)” Dry, barbed and the perfect closing line.
Suggestions / Possible Tweaks
minor tweak “(And still thinks so today, decades later.)” “today” and “decades later” overlap slightly. You could trim to: “(And still thinks so, decades later.)” It keeps the sentiment while tightening the line.
I really enjoyed this. It is sharp, playful and lands the slap in the face so cleanly I could hear the 'TWACK' from here. You avoid bitterness, and the structure keeps everything clean and to the point. The way you set it up with a mock serious, almost legalistic “If I'd wanted / To end up with you,” that makes everything after even funnier. The middle stanza pivots really cleanly, making the final stanza land with a quiet, satisfying sting. The irony of this man waiting for his 'Perfect Match' mirroring your earlier 'Perfect', is—well—perfect.