Dear Lulo,
Upon entering the kitchen at approximately 06:17,
I discovered the scene already compromised.
The victim lay adjacent to the stove
in a widening circumference of albumen,
its yolk displaced towards the pantry door,
where investigators later recovered
partial paw impressions.
No sign of forced entry.
The carton remained on the counter,
one cavity emptied cleanly,
five others leaning inward
as though accounting for the loss.
Witnesses describe your demeanour as calm.
One reports a deliberate stretch
followed by the grooming of your left forepaw,
during which further evidence
may have been destroyed.
The sound itself was minor —
not a shattering,
more a small reconsideration
heard from the other room.
Forensic analysis confirms
the incident lasted less than three seconds.
The aftermath proved more enduring.
At 21:43,
under the low kitchen light,
I stepped once more
into what remained.
This morning,
I found a final shell fragment
near the skirting board.
Small enough to miss entirely
unless searched for.
You watched me remove it.
You offered no further statement.
Dad – Chief Investigator
5/8/2026
The Words That Got to Me
'Witnesses describe your demeanour as calm. One reports a deliberate stretch followed by the grooming of your left forepaw,' I loved this description of that nonchalant cat.
This was a hilarious and very relatable tale of feline chaos. I loved the frame of the detective report and the telling clues throughout, such as 'partial paw impressions'. A very entertaining piece.